Gee, I don’t know who he is anymore.  I thought he used to be a Senator, but today I can’t figure out whether he’s Laurel or Hardy or Abbot or Costello . . . I think he may be Joe Biden our Vice President, whose responsibility is to distract us with outrageous gaffes from President Obama’s next move.

That’s what he is . . .  Biden is the fall guy to Obama as Ed McMahon was second banana to Johnny Carson!

On Friday night Biden tried to convince a skeptical Jay Leno on the Tonight Show that the biggest spy swap since the Cold War was a good deal for the United States.

We gave up 10 spies for the return of 4, and not one of the one’s we exchanged was the femme fatale’ we gave up, Anna Chapman, a James Bond girl with a reported libido that would rot the socks of all the Bond boys since the days of Sean Connery.

Biden said, “We really got back four really good ones.”

Then Leno showed a sultry photo of the Russian agent Anna Chapman and asked, “Do we have any spies that hot?”

Biden said, “Let me be clear.  It was not my idea to send her back.”

Biden could never be confused with one of the Bond boys, in fact he said he had one more suggestion that was ignored.  “I thought they’d take Rush Limbaugh,” he said.

Biden, known for his tendency to make public gaffes said he warned Obama before taking the job.  “I told the president two things when he asked me to do the job,” Biden said.  “I said, ”Just two conditions, Mr. President.  I’m not going to wear any funny hats, and I’m not changing my brand.’ “

Well he has certainly lived up to his promise.

There was the open-mike expletive Biden uttered when Obama signed the health care legislation in April.

Then there was the time Biden asked the wheelchair bound Missouri Senator Chuck Graham to stand up to be recognized at a rally “Chuck, stand up, let the people see you.”  Then he noticed the wheelchair and added, “Oh, God love ya . . .  What am I talking about.”

When Biden introduced Baack Obama at a rally in 2008, he said, “This election year, the choice is clear.  One man stands ready to go for change we so desperately need.  A man I proudly call my friend. A man who will be the next President of the United States — Barack America.”  Oh, and how quickly we found this gaffe to be true.

Another came when he was asked about AIDS prevention in young people.  He stressed the importance of testing saying, “I got tested for AIDS .  I know Barack got tested for AIDS.  There is no shame in being tested for AIDS,” Biden said as the audience broke out in laughter.  Obama had to make  a correction and say that he and his wife Michelle got tested for AIDS after traveling to Kenya.

Then there was the time when he was caught on an amateur video talking about the connection between Dunkin’ Donuts and Indian people.  “In Delaware, the largest portion of the population is Indian-Americans,” said Biden.  “You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent . . . I’m not joking.”

When appearing on NBC’s Today Show about swine flu prevention Biden said, “I would tell members of my family – and I have – I wouldn’t go anywhere in confined places now.  It’s not just going to Mexico, if you’re in a confined aircraft and one person sneezes it goes all the way throuogh the aircraft.  That’s me. I would not be at this point, if they had another way of transportation, suggesting they ride the subway.  If you’re out in the middle of a field and someone sneezes that’s one thing.  If you’re in a closed aircraft or a closed container, a closed car, a closed classroom, it’s a different thing.”  This statement caused the White House press office to issue an immediate clarification.

Yes, there is no question, Vice President Biden is a ‘Brand’ as he promised Obama.  But I’ll bet ‘Barack America’ didn’t expect it to be Chiquta.